We’re tracking down the most bizarre food things we find in the deep, dark corners and bright shiny headlights of the Internet. This week, writer Ashley Hefnawy scans the fast food landscape for the strangest (and most disgustingly craving-inspiring) fabrications.
I wasn’t raised on fast food, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t secretly love it—oops, secret’s out.
My parents told me once that I had a really bad reaction to some McDonald’s we’d eaten when I was 4. I don’t know if I have a memory of this because I’ve heard the story so many times, or because my memory is just that great (doubtful), but I do remember getting sick all over my bedroom and being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance, where the EMS gave me a Garfield stuffed animal to keep me relaxed.
I still have the Garfield. He is very little and dirty.
I didn’t really give fast food much thought after the memories of my youth, until very recently when I heard about a brand new food that Burger King had introduced to the masses, which led to this entire list of extra-bizarre fast food innovations.
Mac’n Cheetos from Burger King
Gooey, meet crunchy. Let’s get together and make like mac’n cheetos, yeah? Seriously, whoever thought of this idea is brilliant and simultaneously capable of demolishing the fundamental pillars of our food society. Just imagine if all things crunchy and gooey met as one. What will happen next? Ice cream-filled Twizzlers? Sparkling milk? Fluff-filled donuts (which actually sounds amazing, and according to Pinterest , already exist) The sky is truly the limit. What a time to be alive.
The Whopperito from Burger King
There was a time in my life where I ate burritos and burgers several times a week. I wasn’t eating fast food either—it was the good stuff. That said, never in a million years did I think to combine the two in one. It would have been too much for my fragile digestion. That said, it didn’t stop brains from coming together and thinking up this actually kind of genius food idea. Both start with “bur”, both pack a mean carb-protein punch, both are better with lots of cheese. What are you waiting for? I’ve eaten four during the course of this post.*
*I did not actually eat four Whopperitos while writing this post.
The Peanut Butter Bacon Burger from Shake Shack
If I wasn’t fasting while writing this post (shoutout to Ramadan), I would go to Shake Shack right now, and make this happen. Here’s how you do it though, because there’s some complicated stuff going on here. First of all, this item is not on the menu. You won’t find it. It was on the secret menu, a while ago, but it has since disappeared from there due to allergy concerns. Fair enough. What you can do is go to a Shake Shack, and ask for a bacon and cheese Shackburger, then ask for a side of peanut butter. It’s a bit DIY, but it’ll do the trick. Of all the fast food I found on the interwebs, this was the most appealing (and probably most terrible for your arteries.)
The Land, Sea & Air Burger from McDonald’s
For anyone who loves meat, no matter the animal, and especially if fried, this is about to rock your world. It’s also on the secret menu (do people use this secret menu often? I really thought it was only an In ‘n Out thing. I am very wrong.) This is a sandwich where Big Mac, Filet-O-Fish, and McChicken all get cozy in one place under not two, but three burger buns. Has your mind been blown? Are you anticipating a heart attack? Good. Very good.
Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell (Cool, Ranch, Fiery)
You have to understand that I try to eat healthy on most days of my life (especially after the burrito/burger bout of 2012) so for me, Doritos Tacos don’t sound particularly appetizing, but they do appeal to my deep-rooted appreciation for both Fiery and Cool Ranch Doritos. You’ve got your typical taco filling, meat, veggies, sour cream, whatever, and then you crank it up five notches and throw on a Doritos shell – your choice of Classic Cheese, Fiery, or Cool Ranch.