Illustration by Laura Lannes
After the success of the gold-leafed donut, kitchens around New York have been clamoring for the next innovation in metallic food. And so comes The Midas Bite. A solid gold pastry inside and out, this 24-karat masterpiece will make you the talk of parties for years to come, seeing as it has no expiration date (and for that matter no actual food ingredients.) Comes with a commemorative tote to haul off this 30-pound culinary treasure.
Illustration by Laura Lannes
Looking for a late-night snack but don’t want to break your juice cleanse? Sal’s Famous Pizza has you covered with their brand new selection of Pizza Juice. Made with only the finest local ingredients, Sal’s patented pizza liquifaction technology allows you to enjoy your favorite slice while still keeping you on your road to detox. Now available in plain, vegetarian and Sal’s Famous meat lovers!
Illustration by Laura Lannes
It seems like just yesterday avocado toast was taking brunch by storm, but with an influx of copycats today’s hottest cafes are going the extra mile to prove their spin on this new classic standout. One SoHo kitchen in particular has been the talk of the town since creating their “Minimalist Avocado Toast”, an artistic take that allows the gourmand to truly ponder “what is avocado toast, really?” A bonus for chic allergy sufferers looking to try this fabulous dish: it’s 100% avocado-free.
Illustration by Laura Lannes
Summer’s right around the corner, and with that comes the switching of your steaming hot mug to the plastic rattle of an iced coffee from your local cafe. But between the drippy condensation and the melting ice diluting your brew, where can a busy city dweller go to get the purest hit of caffeine as the temperature rises? Answering the call is the Hypercold Brew, the brainchild of a West Village cafe owner and M.I.T.’s theoretical physics department. Concentrated with the caffeine of 50,000 Blue Bottle coffees, merely being in the presence of this glowing orb will give you enough energy to ride a sweltering rush hour L to hell and back. Please note: Hypercold Brew should not be consumed by children, expecting mothers or those with particularly unstable temporal fields.
Illustration by Laura Lannes
Ready for some truly psychedelic noshing? The rainbow bagel saturated news programs around the world with its swirling dough and eye-popping colors, but true foodies who are ready to take the next step are lining up for the newest thrill, the Double-Rainbow bagel. Though quite similar to its forebear, the Double-Rainbow bagel improves on the original with a softer interior, a slightly sweeter spread, and 250 micrograms of pure LSD baked right into the dough. Cooked up by a recent Bard grad, these colorful creations are best consumed before a stroll through Central Park, preferably with a sober brunch buddy to keep watch over your bagelsperience.
Illustration by Laura Lannes
Many of us nowadays are turning towards the natural outdoors for spirituality, but why not bring mother earth into your home as well? Artisanal, hand-peeled carrot candles are the natural way to light your way, and these organic wonders will fill your loft with the spiritual power only dirt grown carrots can truly provide. As a bonus, these miracles of nature not only give off that guiding light so many of us seek, but also are imbued with their own natural scent. After all, who doesn’t love the smell of hot carrots?
Illustration by Laura Lannes
Protein on the go is more valuable than ever in a fast paced world, and Vape-a-Steak has finally found a solution thats both easy AND practical. By simply filling the glass chamber with your favorite cut of raw beef, Vape-a-Steak converts all that meat into smokable, protein filled goodness thats perfect for on-the-go. A small chamber allows for even more flavor options, as A1, Heinz 57 and Worcestershire sauce flavor canisters are available at most major chains around the country. As the Vape-a-Steak slogan goes, “if thats not raw meat in your pipe, why bother smoking it?”
Illustration by Laura Lannes
They’re good. It’s good. The end.
Illustration by Laura Lannes
2016 is slated to be the most stressful year on record, and many foodies are turing to alcohol to help get through the drudgery of the day-to-day. But this isn’t your grandfather’s binge drinking! Breakfast beers comes in a variety of flavors and sizes, with many companies hiring top designers to really give their product a look of discreet distinction. Taking the edge off has never been easier or more stylish.
